A busy woman!

It's been awhile since I've posted anything here so please pardon me, I've been busy! (LOL)

A lot has happened, spring has sprung and we are hopping right into summer.

The day after my birthday (April 10th) I met up with a fellow writer (left) Jackie, in the fine town of Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We met at a convience store west of ES and from there we stopped at an overlook of the White river. Man, what a view! This picture of white river was taken during the opening of the flood gates and the redbud trees were in full color. It was pretty chilly, the wind was kicking up too, thank God it was sunny!

Jackie and I are in a writer's group together. Critique Circle has been my writer's home since January. I read one of her articles and that's how we got to know each other. CC hosts a number of things for members to do in addition to reading & critiquing (or crit) other writer's material. But, because of this I have learned quite a lot on editing and finding the flaws in my own material. You don't even have to be a writer, you can simply read the stories posted as well as enjoy the other amnemities. CC also has a map where members can use a virtual push pin to show where you are from. It's pretty cool too. There is a member who resides in Anartica, how cool is that?

Anyway, Jackie and I live fairly close so we decided to meet and have lunch in Eureka Springs at Pied Piper, a cool little Irish pub setting with excellent Corned Beef and Cabbage dishes and Ruben sandwiches that are piled high with meat and saurkraut and gooey swiss cheese, yuh-uum-uh-ummmmy! *stomach growls*

We talked about our families, the ups and downs of being a writer. We both agree it's a thing of passion to continue despite the pitfalls. We decided to go check out some of the shops in the area on Spring Street. Beautiful quilts and clothing to art pieces beckoned me, wishing I had just a little bit of money to get some of these wonderful things! I'm 100% sure I could spend a thousand G's in no time flat just from what I wanted! Then, I spot the bookstore. I just had to buy a couple books for my reference section, just had to. Out came the credit card, which gets scarcely used by the way, (been there, done that, no fun later when the payments come) and I became the proud owner of a bartender's drink book and another book on the usage of words. Of course, we both wanted to see our novels in this and other book stores, nationwide and across the globe, what writer wouldn't?

We wound our way back to the parking lot of Pied Piper where I drove her to her car parked at the convience store where we met. I thouroughly enjoyed our visit and hoped we could meet again another time. Jackie sent a message to me a couple of days ago that she and her family are moving to Kentucky sometime in June or July.

Unfortunately, I will be busy with work, it's that time of the year when a lot of vacations come around and so days off will be switched around again for a while. My husband's band LiveWyre (more on that later) is off and running, so things are going to be busy there too. I have to have my time to work on projects, the latest, a short story, Thunder Thief aka, The Man Who Stole the Thunder. I want to begin submitting it to magazines on the market. In July, there is another novel writer's month called JulWriMo, the goal is 50k, but you can already have a project in the works with this contest. Again, it's a contest for word count, I'm not sure how successful I will be, but as long as I get Savant moving along toward a finished draft, I'll be happy! I've had my head in research books for this one, I merely want to make sure I am an author who creates beliveable characters and plot. I think I can make some major progress now that I have most of the scenes worked out. Yeah, buddy!

I'm sooo glad the weekly, days on end, rains finally stopped. The last few months are history, floods, and freezing temps are no more, still have to keep an eye to the sky when it comes to the weather though, tornadoes seem to be nearly a year round thing anymore. Aside from nature's touchy temper, it's still an uplifiting expierence for me just to sit out on the porch or under a tree in the yard. A nice, light breeze ruffling the thick green leaves and rapidly sprouting grass. I may have a glass of wine in my hands, I may not, regardless, it relaxes me.

I love the birds chirpping in the bushes, the drone of a twin engine plane flying over which to me is kind of a lonely sound, something I've thought since I was a kid. The only things I wish didn't come with the warm weather are bugs and stinging things. My boss has already been stung by a yellow jacket at work, it nailed him four time on the back of his neck, apparently that was the least of his worries, last weekend (Mother's day) he was thrown off a horse and ended up with a stiff knee and a bruised ass. *Snicker, giggle* only you boss man, only you.

I turned 48 yesterday I'm just not sure how I am supposed to act now that I am that much closer to fifty. I want to say on record, I do not feel sorry for myself, and am accountable for all I utter. I choose to poke fun at my lovely figure, it's my perogative and necessary.

I notice a pair of shoes, they are so cute! Could I wear those? I look at my feet. Calluses as big as quarters, bunions a half inch thick, and cracked heels shoot a mild bolt of pain. I think I'll just stick to houseslippers and clogs.
An interesting shade of eye shadow, that might bring out the blue of my irises, new mascara promises to strengthen and lengthen my eyelashes. Facial powder, foundation and anti-aging gadgets will help get rid of those age spots and crows feet, fill in the laughlines and make you look years younger.
I sneeze applying the powder, angry red blotches rise up on my skin, and that interesting shade of eye shadow looks like I went a few rounds in the ring. From all that makeup my eyes get itchy so I rub them, it's waterproof so it doesn't smear but little clumps some off and get under the eyelids. Now I need eyedrops to wash out the mascara.
I guess I'll just stick to a facial scrub and vitamin E, it's working. Maybe I'll go wild and put chapstick on my lips.
I find myself wandering through the junior and misses clothing at the store, I hold up a blouse. How cute! I hold it to my chest, pretty sure I won't get an arm through a sleeve without it ripping completely out. Only then do I look at the tag, size 3! and it's one of those little halter top jobs I wore when I was 18. I remember my image this morning in the mirror and then look at it again. More flesh would be spilling over than the waters of Beaver Lake and Table Rock in flood stage. From the pictures on the news, I don't think I have that much hanging out, but wouldn't be caught wearing that stuff now. When I see girls who do wear these types of clothes, and they are, (how can I say this) "plump" comes to mind, (I was called that in my youth) I can't believe I wore such garb, parading around as they do now. Jeans, why would a big assed girl want to draw attention to this area? It's big enough, let alone having a glittering butterfly or puffy pockets to aid the size.
I'll stick to relaxed fit jeans that will allow me to breath when I bend over (if I have too, try to avoid that) and not cut me off when I sit down that I have to stick my leags in front of me. Shirts or blouses that won't expose any more flesh than from the elbow down and long enough they hang down to the knees. I try to stay away from bright colored, large printed flowers or patterns. Just another way to shout how large I am. Unfortunately, I love those so I'll just think of myself as a walking flower garden and be pretty

More stuff to share

A new laptop computer!
Finally! Still far from being totally techno, I have come a little further into the wonderful world of computers and computing with my very own Dell Inspirion laptop. "Spring Green" it is, and only 17.99 a week from my paycheck. In just one year it will be paid off and hopefully by then I will have become accustomed to it, and have it internet accessed. I got this mainly for writing. With it, I can go sit on the couch, hang out upstairs in the bed and work on my novel (s), short stories or poems. Even better, sitting outside or anywhere as long as I keep the battery charged. To save on the battery I will probably keep it plugged into an outlet when I'm near one. While I still enjoy writing in longhand, it may get to a point where I won't be able to, and so what better way than electronically!

Now a word or two about the last two monts of being smoke free.....
I have to admit, I still have strong cravings for the nicotine sometimes. Although farther apart, they have gotten so overpowering , it nearly drives me insane! I get over the episode but man, I guess it's true that Nicotine is harder to kick than Heroine (I've never tried it by the way). I quit once for a year, give or take a day. I gained fifty pounds because food tasted soooo wonderful! I've quit many times, some lasting three to four days, to only a few hours. This time it's for good. I've decided I really do not want to go through this again. Sometimes number one is great, sometimes it's a repeat of something you should have never repeated, like smoking. Someone I knew told me he had dreams for nearly thirty years about smoking. He said that one day he ran out of smokes and decided that was it. But, when he slept he said he just smoked and smoked and smoked, blew smoke rings, inhaled deep without coughing, just relaxing and smoking. In the last few years he says he has not had the dream, but found it funny he did for so long. I've had smoking dreams and yes, it's true, I just sit there and smoke, and smoke, and smoke. Loving every minute of it! I've heard that those who have quit for years still have the cravings. I do think though now days with smoking banned in many public places, it will be easier to control the "jonesing" for a smoke. I haven't gone to a bar since quitting. Most of you know my husband is a musician and from time to time I go to his gigs. He's come home from them and the smell from cigarettes is as thick as a pollution ring over Los Angeles.
It's not the cigarettes I'll have the need for though. Before I quit, I started smoking the flavored cigars, the little ones. One thing they were/are cheap,( less than a dollar a pack). they don't stink like cigarettes, the flavored ones smell like the flavor they are, peach, vanilla, cherry (you get the idea) and I thought they were quite fitting with my writer's image. I'd rather not carry that image to the point of being strapped to an oxygen machine twenty-four hours a day just because I thought it was cool to smoke tiny cigars.
I've had many people supporting me and would like to thank everyone for that. I love you all for caring!

Vacation?

A lot has gone on since my last post. Again, it does not seem that time flew by so fast, but judging from the last time I was here, apparently it has.

The last two weeks have been hectic! Once again, our treatment plant is undergoing more changes, upgrades from manual settings to computerized ones. When all is said and done, we operators should be able to monitor all or most of our "goings on" from a monitor. It's going to be a pain to start, getting the "bugs" worked out, and many spills I'm quite positive will occur. There will be more on this later, as of yesterday, Sunday, when I finally left, my boss and maintainence "manager" were still waiting for the technicians installing this wonderful system to return from wherever it was they went with a vital piece of a program.



As much as I want to get in on this (hummm, ahem) I, am on vacation! There are always many things to be done during this time, most of which I hope will have me finishing my synopsis of "Savant" I beleive I am on the right track now and the rough draft is looking pretty good. Now, if I can just get to the end of it, I keep dragging it out, gotta find a way to get the bad guy!



On Thursday. I will turn 48, God, where did the time go? It really blows my mind I have gone so far down the road of life and I turn to look back. I still haven't accomplished what I want, done the things I'd like to do or really made any great and wonderful strides in my life. I guess that's me looking out, perhaps it looks better from the other side. I know I could have done many things much differently, but I can't change them now. I will just have to work on what's on the plate now. I don't feel (mentally) that old. I remember how I thought 50 was soooo old, of course that line of thinking has completely changed! Walk a 30 mile walk-a-thon? When I was 15, 20, no problem....now, no way! My feet have slapped so much concrete in the past 22 years, I am amazed I can walk as much as I do now! I find I do alright until I have sat still for longer than 10 minutes, then I stand up. Stooped in pain, I hobble for the first minute until I get the blood going again, then I'm good to go. Shoulders hurt, elbows and hands now have a dull, numbing pain from time to time, they say surgery will take care of that, maybe. *Smirk* I'd rather have a hot poker up my ass than have to fork out money for a procedure which may or may not work. So I use weights, this helps more than anything and gets blood flowing and the numbness goes away. Damn vultures anyway. I do think it would be kinda cool to unscrew the old feet and put new ones on, but I do not want amputation!

Well, this is just insane.....two more days just went right on by me!!!!!!!!!

Making some changes

Since I started using myspace I seem to not have much time working on my blogs. I think I will be deleting "Stuff from the Attic" my other blog. Most of the material I have posted on SA will get transferred over to this one I call my Ramblinglog. I have also decided that "ramblinglog" is getting changed to Stuff from the Attic-Connie's ramblinglog. So please excuse the re-construction of this blog.
I am still working on my synopsis for "Savant". I'm on the right track now though (I think). Writing synopsises surely get easier as a writer continues to work on their craft. Doesn't it? Please, tell me it does. I started the rewrite of the first three chapters of Savant by using a prologue. For those of you who read this once before, will notice a marked difference in some of the scenes. This will take a little time in doing, but I know it will work much better. I just keep telling myself it can take up to two years for a first novel to be ready for the market. Find the right agent, DO YOUR RESEARCH! It may take another year to score one of those. Many, many issues can arise when writing. Side projects take me away from the main story, but it helps me from getting frustrated with the story. I set it aside, work on another one, maybe a poem, or a short story for a contest. As long as I write, and keep writing, it will get better and I will reach the long term goal of becoming a published author who wrote the great American novel, a classic!
The no smoking thing is going along just peachy fine. I'm off the medicine, co-pay was a little steep but I didn't need the next phase. I still do the sunflower seeds, but not a whole lot. It's not really very lady like spitting the seeds. I try to aim for the drains, but I make sure I don't leave the floors littered with the shells. I also try not to stuff a whole bunch of seeds into my mouth; not lady like either. The act of breaking the shell and try to keep your taste buds from not getting pinched due to not cracking it well enough (sometimes too many seeds in the mouth aids in this) has me slowly backing off from them. However, I have found that I like "David's" dill pickle flavored ones alot. I'm going to need all that salt for when summer kicks in. Even though I started to gain a passion for chocolate in the last three years, my fondness for it increased since I quit smoking. Here is my plan.......
If I continue to eat the seeds, I'll pinch off my taste buds so I don't taste food, which means I won't eat so much.

A month already???

Good grief Charlie Brown!

I knew it's been sometime since I posted anything in this blog, but nearly a month has passed and I've seemed to have neglected this site! It's been a crazy, close to depressing time for me. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm sure happy to see it!

I try not to gripe too much about my job. I appreciate the fact and very thankful I am fortunate enough to have a job where there are many who don't. I am human after all, and have several negative factors which have tried to work against me, the beginning stages of menopause is perhaps the worst one. I do find I'm griping more, I have weird mixed feelings about things, nothing specific really, just....well, it's hard to describe the emotions a woman goes through during this period in her life. It's not that I cannot have children, I don't have any as it is, and on March 17, 2000, an emergency surgery resulting in the loss of my Fallopian tubes took care of any wants of children then.

It's a jumble of emotions, most of which are sadness, melancholy, remorse perhaps. That main one is getting old. Many people tend to embrace this time in their lives, maybe I should and I'm trying. I look at people in their twenties, so much is still in store for them, they think they will go on forever. Teenagers who believe they are invincible, and now I know the frustrations my folks and grandparents must have suffered when they tried to offer advice. It goes in one ear and out the other for most kids. They think these people are old fuddy-duddies and don't know what they are talking about. And now I have turned into one of these people! It's funny though, I seem to think I'm logical, I tell nephews and nieces the same things I was told. Guess what I get? Blank stares, a threat of a snicker, it's like a slap in the face and that old saying of what comes around goes around? Right there is a fine example, all a person can do is sigh and say a prayer that it somehow sinks into those hard heads. I'm only happy in the knowledge that one day they will be the old fuddy-duddy, they in turn will be telling their children the same things which were told to them.

My body is doing weird things too, I'll not go into to too much detail on this. If you are a woman who has had these experiences, you know what I'm talking about. On the evening news one night last week, the subject of hormone replacement therapy was once again the topic of controversy. I told my husband that perhaps I should just go buy an electric razor or wax kit to keep the beard hairs from growing. His eyes got pretty wide until I started laughing, but I'm not kidding! Although hot flashes do not seem to be a dominant factor, I wonder, because 20 and 30 degree weather seems pretty nice. Last summer was horrible and all I wanted to do was stay indoors under the air conditioning. My boss mentioned several times about my face and neck being so red. I finally have come to the conclusion, I must have been under a hot flash warning, I may need to carry ice-packs with me to work and store them in the freezer. No kidding there, it could make all the difference in the world! I can remember mowing lawns in 90 degree heat and it not having such adverse effects, sure I got hot, but not to the point passing out, no matter how much water I drank! Another sign of the times I suppose *sigh*.



I am a happy person for the most part, but a nervous one at times. I try not to let situations get to me, talk things out amongst myself and take a deep breath. With all the crazy stuff going on inside of me, I decide it's time to quit smoking as well. On March 7th, it will be a month of no "ciggies" whatsoever! Yeah for me! Most of it has been a desire to do this for sometime but not really having the financial capability to tackle this. Thanks to our company, our insurance had a smoking cessation program and I opted for the best one. "Chantix" is a prescribed medicine and with the help of a counselor, this medicine is paid for except for co-pay. I was concerned about how this was going to do at my job, it was just too easy to pop a smoke in the mouth and puff away under stressful situations, but this medicine works wonders! The first week, I still smoked, while taking Chantix, but I had a quit date and when that day arrived, gone were the smokes, ashtrays and cigarette butts. The first night, I even put on a nicotine patch, bought a bag of cinnamon candies and a couple bags of sunflower seeds. I only went through three-quarters of a bag of seeds and a couple of the cinnamon candies, but they were not the only things I had in my arsenal, I also carry a bottle of lavender oil, one of my favorite scents and a tube of chapstick, wintergreen flavor. The lavender oil is well known to soothe ragged nerves and the chapstick is something to keep my hands busy and to keep my lips hydrated because the salt from the sunflower seeds dried them out so bad. Water has also played an important part. It helps in detoxing the body and accompanied with taking deep breaths and long, slow sips of water makes the craving pass. I thought work would be the major stumbling block, but I discovered another. At home writing. I did not realize smoking played such a major role, but it did. It was something I could do when I wanted to hash over a scene or a plot point or dialogue from a character. I could go outside and smoke and think.
*
I wrote all of that yesterday and have found that it's Tuesday already. We've been waiting for a monstrous snow storm that was supposed to dump 6-10 inches of snow. As of now, at a little after six in the morning, we are expected to only get 1-3 inches of snow. Frankly, I'm glad, I won't have to put up with a bunch of it melting off, making our yard which is soggy from a drenching rain yesterday that much worse. I'll just be glad for sunny days and warmer temperatures, maybe my disposition will improve.
At work, we finally have a new person which I will start training next week, and hopefully by the end of the month I can let him go on his own. I'll only have to work a couple of days and then it's vacation! My husband has a "honey-do" list for the both of us! There is always something to be down around here and I'm far behind on getting things done.
That includes writing. It would be nice if I had a place away from the house, a small studio, all my books writing material, everything pertaining to writing could go there. No phone, and a big-assed sign saying "no admittance", a couch, fridge, hot plate/microwave, no tv and no cats! In the ideal world I could have this, I guess I could just keep on dreaming, or as the saying goes wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up the quickest would most certainly apply here.
I really have to keep reminding myself I do have a good thing, I'm just being a petty bitch. It's hard to maintain a bright, sunny outlook, but I tell myself, it could be much, much worse. I am truly thankful for what I have, because I could have nothing. Some days, I don't want to even get out of bed, yet, there are those who can't. When I want to whine and moan I stop and think about how it could be, I put it to rest.

Double post

My sister has invited me to post on her blog. *claping everywhere*Thank-you, Thank-you all! I have been so busy with my own material, I finally managed to have the time to catch up on e-mails and discovered her request. Now it makes it that much easier to deny anything she says about me if I feel like it! LOL :). From time to time I will post my two cents worth there, which is what I did, then copy and pasted it onto to this blog. I figure I wrote this so it needs to go here too. I have done a lot of walking around in cyperspace forums for sometime now and have learned that there are really a lot of people who don't know what they are talking about. That's fine, to each his own, I only ask that you make sense. (like I always do,)* snicker and chortling heard far off*

I cast my vote in the Arkansas Primary today, and was glad to hear Hillary Clinton won this state and Missouri. Some of you may call me an idiot, but the way I see it, I don't think I would want to be in the President's shoes no matter who that person may be. You are scrutinized, picked apart, and placed under a microscope for every move made, every decision you make. Some cheer for you, some call you a pig or worse. You have to try and please the nation as a whole, and in case ya didn't know, it doesn't work. You have to please your allies, you have to sit in front of a thousand flashing cameras with a foe trying to have peace talks, all the while having to play nice. You would have to be one thick-skinned son of a bitch to be able to handle the issues they have to confront.Each person who takes on these types of leadership roles, whether it is a captain of a ship, or leader of a squadron, they all take risks, some win, some don't. Each of these types of people have their own ideas as to how they can fix this problem or make that program run efficently. Again, sometimes they work until someone else comes along and screws it up, and sometimes they screw it up without help. I personally do not think our government can ever be fixed. It's past broken and maybe one day we may get somebody who can fix it, maybe we won't.The way I vote is whoever makes the most sense. Forget the promises, if their ideas sound true, they don't spew out a bunch of empty talk, or have the personality of a rock, they maybe can at least get it going on the right track. I don't think all politicians were/are calloused before politics made them that way. I actually think that some of them went into politics for solid reasons, wanting to help their neighbor, their town, their county or state.With that being said, I still think most of them are crooks, liars and cheats, but I'm sure glad we don't have to get up at sunrise every day thanking God we didn't die from bombings during the night and hope the day keeps us from being the next victims of war. It could happen. If you were president, what would you do to make everybody happy? That does include, Hispanics, Blacks, Asians and other immigrants who gain citizenship. That does include those who lost their job of 20 years due to downsizing, to the consumer who's forking out $20.00-80.00 (or more) for a tank of gas. What would you have done for the victims of Katrina? 9-11?Me, I'd be smacking some heads together! Hell, I don't know what I would do. Who would want the job? Gangster rappers and football players make millions more than a president. I'd rather get tossed around the football field and get paid more for it than have half a nation ready to toss me out on the front porch. And yes, some of our presidents get the big head and go crazy too.I just choose who I personally thought can turn it around just a little bit. Even if a little bit gets done that could possibly be the step in the right direction.

*lots of clapping and cheering throughout cyberspace, steps off of soapbox*